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Adult Reviews - Vibrators
Written by McBirdie   
Saturday, 04 October 2008 22:24

Vortex Vibrations Suction Vacuum Cleaner Vibrator (new window)



 

This kind of...sucks, 23 May 2007

Reviewer: mcbirdie, a Going Steady Straight Female

First and foremost, before you buy this make sure that you have or can get a vacuum that has no more than 600 watts of power, or can be adjusted. Most vacuums have a little slider on the tube that lets you open a hole and reduce the power of the suction - you'll need that. (The average vacuum is 1200-1400 watts - you absolutely CANNOT use this without adjusting it. It is also possible to put a sock across the tube to further reduce the suction as needed)

 

Second, you need lube. Even if you are a naturally self-lubricating kind of girl, you will. That much suction will dry you out before you even get the thing properly positioned.

 

Which, to be honest, isn't hard because this is one seriously fiddly toy. The difference between the site's video using the tiny balloon and LoveHoney's Professor using the ribbon is that your clit doesn't sit conveniently on a table or allow itself to be held right up to the tube.

 

Instead, you'll find that the surrounding skin is what starts to vibrate. Or will get sucked up viciously. And since the clit is a rather shifty fellow on any given day, you'll find that even when you finally get him in the right position... he'll shift and you'll have to start over.

 

You do get two attachments with this kit - one that has more suction and less vibration; one that has less suction and more vibration. I found the first - the Introducer, that has the greater suction - to be all but unusable. I find that much suction to just not be endurable for very long. And unlike a regular vibrator, you can't move this toy around to give your clit a break -moving it around gives you the painful experience of sucking on the wrong spot.

 

The second attachment, with two cutouts, is more successful, giving you the fun vibrating effect that you see in the videos. If you can keep your clit centered and fluctuate the slider properly, this will bring you to orgasm quite quickly.

 

However - and this is the part that kind of made me give up hope for this being a regular addition to my toy box - if you are sensitive after orgasm (which should be most of us, I think), there is nothing worse than having a vacuum cleaner attached to you when you are finished. Right after I come, I don't really have the clear thinking and reflexes needed to get the vacuum shut off right away. Which meant I was being sucked on far harder than I can bear when at my most sensitive.

 

On the positive side, though, the suction does increase blood flow wonderfully and leaves you much more sensitive and ready for sex for hours afterwards. I would recommend using this toy with a partner, so you can get the third hand you need (one to hold the hose properly, one to expose your clit, and one to move the slider), and so someone can get it off you as soon as you come.

 

I personally found the noise to be distracting, but not everyone will be bothered by that. A running vacuum cleaner tends to make me think of my grandmother on a Saturday morning, which is less than arousing. Also, just the whole image of the thing... lying in bed holding a vacuum hose to my clit, I found to be unappealing. I laughed at myself many times the first time I tried it, which is fun... but not really a turn on.

 

If you cannot have an orgasm or if your clit has become desensitized, you may find that this toy is different enough to take you over the edge. It is worth a go in these situations, especially if you have a partner to hand.

Overall Rating:
5 out of 10
Attractiveness:
8 out of 10
Quietness:
1 out of 10
Material & Build Quality:
9 out of 10
Ease of Use:
3 out of 10
Strength of Vibrations:
10 out of 10
Orgasm Rating:
6 out of 10

Pros
The attachments are easy to...attach. The sensations are novel and may help women who are not successful with regular vibrators. Beautifully packaged.

Cons
The noise of the vacuum is a big distraction. The toy can be fiddly to place, and needs near constant adjustment. Suction after orgasm is uncomfortable.

Bottom Line
A novel toy that may suit women who don't orgasm through more traditional means. But it is a pricey novelty, so if traditional means work for you... it may not be worth it.

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Vortex Vibrations Suction Vacuum Cleaner Vibrator
Saturday, 04 October 2008
  This kind of...sucks, 23 May 2007 Reviewer: mcbirdie, a Going Steady Straight Female First and foremost, before you buy this make sure that...

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